The time traveller
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
I used to be a time traveller. In between my busy days, I lived in the pain of my past and in the anxiety of my future. Sometimes I would get lost in the different spaces of time. I lost myself wondering how much of the me that is, is the me that was and how much of the me to be would be the me that is. Memories set on replay, going round and round. When it got too much, I would tell you and you would bring me back to the present. "They don't matter any more Elica. You don't have to care."
When you hold me in your arms, you make everything OK again because you bring me back to the present every time. When you do that, it feels like coming back to a home where I know I will be safe. And I go back to the past again to the day when I told you that I wanted to be with you. Rays of sunlight streamed through the gaps in the green fence of the shed. I took a deep breath. One of the hardest things in life is knowing which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.
I took a leap of faith. We both did.
I remembered that I felt safe with you.
Looking all big and fierce with your tiger tattoo.
You gave me courage to be free.
Turning my head, I look forward
And you are all I see.
It's time for me to put my time travelling days behind.
Giving thanks
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Seeing him again made my heart stop. From a comfortable distance, he looked as familiar as I remembered him to be. That face and posture. Those eyes that pierced and saw right though me to the depths of my soul. Yet it had been more than 3 years since we parted ways and probably more than 2 years since I last saw him.
Some things don't change. Maybe it never will. Maybe 10 years later I'd see him again and still be affected in this way. It does not matter. For we have both moved on to better things.
In closing this chapter of my life, I give thanks. I give thanks for hands, bear hugs and kisses. Stars. For laughter, cats and running up bridges. For believing in forever. For trying. For singing in the rain, pain, nights, fights, resentment, and shame. Anger and betrayal. Forgiveness. Broken promises. For years and tears. For holding on and letting go.
For basketball and love.
Thank you
Heart stops for
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Seeing you
Again, My heart stopped
For a second or two
Just like it did
When we were sixteen
Sitting in the corner
of the canteen
Time slowed down,
I listened to my breathing
heart beat slowing
down to a
stop
Leaning in,
You kissed me
For the second time.
You wave hello
It said
Goodbye
.
